Radiation Vacation – Week 2

November 10, 2012

Another week down.

Daily zap time is certainly starting to wear on me.

My left tit is slowly but surely turning pink.   As if the skin is burning.  My chest has started to break out from being moisturized so frequently.  My neck is extremely stiff from keeping it turned to the right while I lie on the LINAC couch for 30 minutes everyday.  And I can feel tightness in the scar tissue (from the mastectomy) underneath my skin.  (I mostly feel this tightness in the mornings when I do yoga.  I can feel the scar tissue up under my left arm being stretched out again like it was being stretched during physical therapy in the weeks right after the mastectomy.  It’s just slightly painful.)

And I had such high hopes of getting so much writing done during these ‘vacation’ weeks.  But writing keeps taking a back burner to…  sleep.

SLEEP!

I sleep 12-16 hours a day.

And I could prolly sleep more.

This is not the same kind of zombie tired I experienced during chemo.  I’m not groggy.  I’m not fighting to stay awake or struggling to catch my breath.  I don’t feel like my brain is sitting in a cloud of chemicals.

I’m just drained.  Physically and emotionally.  I don’t feel like myself.

I actually started crying on the LINAC couch during zap time yesterday.  It’s like I could feel the laser draining more of me out of my own body.

And I know it’s just killing the bad parts of me… the parts that are holding me back… but it’s exhausting the good parts of me.

End cancer chapter zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

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3 Responses to “Radiation Vacation – Week 2”

  1. Maxey Says:

    I love you. I know that isn’t much in light of all this, but maybe it will help to know that one more person loves you in spite of all this. You are beautiful and braver than I can even express! Keep taking care of your heart and your soul. You can do this!


  2. What I want most in the world right now – literally – is an endless supply of time and money allowing me to pack my bags, hop on a plane, and spend the next several weeks as your stalwart provider of hugs and support and company. I will amend that statement only to say that Johnny and Otis would be there, too, so we could all have great adventures during your four waking hours. xoxoxo

  3. Jeanne Denton Says:

    Hang in there. You are so courageous. Praying for you. May your Sleep be peaceful.


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